The HOPE Group Process:

HOPE Groups focus on health and healing through the power of H.O.P.E. to open doors otherwise closed by fear. The words, health and healing, come from the same root as the words, “whole” and “holy”. In this light, healing is the result of bringing together in a balance the traditional four parts of the human being; body, mind, soul and spirit. This centuries-old way of looking at the human being came to an abrupt end in the 17th century when the philosophers of the Age of Reason decided that the soul did not exist because there was no scientific evidence for it. Fortunately for us, the French philosopher-mathematician, René Descartes, in the final work of his lifetime, The Passions of the Soul, saved the soul from this death sentence by placing it in the brain’s pineal gland!

The soul is unquestionably the spiritual director of a person’s life. It knows, through love, that death’s sting is but a moment in a rich succession of lives. Having separated its qualities from the other three qualities of human nature and (seemingly) discarded them, we in the West have lost that part of self that sees the “big picture.” We are left with the narrow-minded, narrow-visioned secular director of life, the ego, which fears the anguish of death and all forms of pain.

It is common to our ego-driven human experience that we tend to be stuck in states of fear and anger that prevent us from allowing ourselves to grieve. We do not recognize that grief is a transitional emotion that frees us from our stuckedness, allowing us to move toward happiness and joy. Medical science is just now coming to understand the role of grief, happiness, and joy in illness and in health. H.O.P.E. nurtures the move toward states of happiness and joy through encouraging an awareness of the nature of “inner peace”. We find that many people seek this state, but have little understanding of it, let alone how to achieve it. We believe that it is not difficult to find. However, it might take some work to create it. HOPE Groups facilitate this change.

A popular perception of health defines it as “the absence of disease.” Health is not the absence of anything, let alone “disease,” rather, it is presence of a wholeness of self. Disease does not have to mean “the absence of health”; rather it can mean a condition in which “ease” is not present thus it threatens to fragment the self. Disease is a condition of being that is related to a wounding of the body or the mind by any conceivable agent or entity. There are times when the agent that causes the dis-ease needs to be identified and moved against with some kind of “treatment”, such as strep throat requiring penicillin, a heart attack requiring angioplasty, a cancer requiring surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, or a depression requiring antidepressants. There are other times when the “cause” cannot be found, and health cannot be sought by moving away from the disease by any of these means. First, though, it is essential that the existence of dis-ease be acknowledged because denying its existence can prevent any movement at all. When one recognizes and acknowledges the existence of dis-ease, one has a base from which s-he can begin to move toward a teacher of the way to health.

We have learned that the many small voices that cry out in the wilderness, “I’m not worth anything!” can begin to find H.O.P.E....to find meaning, value, and purpose in one’s life. The tiniest ray of H.O.P.E. can become the beacon that lights the way from any problem to all possibility. In H.O.P.E., we believe in possibility. We also know that it is harmful to carry expectations; so we share in a subjunctive, inviting, caring, loving manner what we have seen work, because we believe in the greatness of experience. It is only great if it is shared without any “shoulds”. We learn to let go of guilt with the “shoulda, woulda and coulda” that we so often carry with it. We learn to focus on the quality of life as we live it. We learn to see mistakes as lessons, not failures. We learn to see life as full of lessons, from one end to the other.

We believe in you. We believe in your greatness and your ability to till the plot of land the Universe has given to you; and, indeed, promised you from the beginning of time. We believe that if each of us was supposed to have the answer to everything, our heads would be so huge, we would not be able to carry them around. We believe that life is a study of the things that are important for us to learn, and that each one of us is here to learn something differently from all others. We believe that there is meaning and purpose behind this concept that we may not yet understand. Therefore, we honor and support you in your process, and know that you are free to take from any H.O.P.E. encounter what is meaningful for you at the time.

We know that the past is gone, and the future never comes. What works is what is working now. It is framed in our attitudes and influenced by our heredity and our environment. We are free to mold it as we want, and if we do not like what is coming up for us, we can change our attitude toward ourselves and what we believe is happening to us.

We also know that there is great importance in having a vision. There are soft balances between its details and its generalities. The general rule is that the vision must make sense to the person who has it. It is part of a group guide’s challenge to help foster the idea of the vision making sense. It may seem impossible for a one legged person to climb Mount Everest, but it shall likely happen one day. It will come about through a coach using soft, yet firm encouragement to get a person to focus on the impossible dream and the process that leads to it.

These ideas are seminal to the HOPE Group process. Of equal importance is the way in which they are brought to the group. We use a method that has been in use by the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) for over 300 years--the “Clearness Committee”. Using it, Quakers have solved the problem of providing pastoral counseling in the absence of a pastor. When a member of any Quaker Meeting has a “concern” (getting married, solving an interpersonal conflict, experiencing business difficulties--in other words, virtually any of the mundane problems that humans meet from day-to-day, week-to-week, or year-to-year), s-he calls together a group of four to seven friends and family members in one of these Clearness Committees. (You can see that this is already potentially an ideal “small group”).

S-he presents her-his concern to the group, all of whom share the belief that the responses and answers to the concern lie in the person with it and not in the group. Therefore, the group is not there to judge, criticize, or even give advice; its responsibility is to listen carefully and respectfully, ask open questions for amplification and clarification of the concern, reflect on the associations heard in the expression of the concern, and affirm the person for bringing the concern to the attention of the group and her-his ability to resolve it.

These last two paragraphs speak to and for countless thousands of episodes of human experience. The process is exquisitely simple. It is also easy to follow. I do not need to amplify on what I have said beyond acknowledging that “simple” is seldom “easy”. Consider practicing the listening, asking open questions, reflecting on what is heard, and affirming a fellow human being for her-his life and its story. Yes, it is delightfully simple though perhaps not as easy as “simple” might imply.

This is the context of all HOPE Group meetings. The meetings establish the context by reading the “Golden Book,” sentence by sentence, beginning with the HOPE Group Opening:

We are a HOPE Group.

We come together to find wellness.

Wellness comes with the discovery of peace of mind.

We find peace of mind through understanding and letting go of guilt and fear.

In this way, we learn to live in each moment.

In this moment, we can choose to focus on the whole of life rather than its fragments.

We seek the power that makes this choice possible.

We come to realize that this power lies within each one of us.

This power, as we understand it, is love.

With Love’s power, we come to realize the promise of H.O.P.E.

followed by the Principles of Attitudinal Healing:

1. The essence of our being is love.

2. Health is inner peace. Healing is letting go of fear

3. Giving and receiving are the same.

4. We can let go of the past and of the future.

5. Now is the only time there is and each instant is for giving.

6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.

7. We can become love finders rather than fault finders.

8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.

9. We are students and teachers to each other.

10. We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments.

11. Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.

12. We can always perceive others as either extending love or giving a call for help. (H.O.P.E. prefers to replace “help” with “love”.)

 and ending with the HOPE Group Guidelines, which are verbal agreements that honor time commitments and confidentiality, focus on the one speaking in that moment, work on one’s own process in light of one’s own experience, and see others in a loving way that supports others in their process, free of judgment, confrontation or preaching. The guidelines point out the choice between hope and fear; between peace and conflict; and that seeks love in its highest sense (agape). We share what works for us, and we risk and expose our own emotional states, which creates a common experience that allows for joining--breaking down the fear that causes the illusion of separation between us.

       This alchemical process builds a once-used container--a crucible--for alloying the content of the meeting that always walks in through the door. The meeting begins when it begins with those who are there, and no one is ever late to a HOPE Group meeting. The meeting usually lasts two hours but always ends when it ends.

We optionally use guided imagery near the end of the meeting and before the Prayer for Serenity. We train interested guides to use the immediate focus of the group as metaphors for the structure of the imagery process. We teach our guides to explore the meaning of safety and a safe place for the participants before using any guided imagery. [i] We use other forms of closure such as songs or affirmations, as the group considers appropriate. All meetings end with standing in a circle and holding hands, reciting The Prayer for Serenity[ii] (using words like “Love,” “Great Spirit,” “Source” other than “God” if so desired).

This simple closing is a powerful, quick form of centering because it is a prayer for serenity, courage, and wisdom. At the guide’s discretion, further forms of centering can be used before this last one: a few moments of silence with a request to simply go quietly into one’s own center and let the experience of the preceding time settle there.

Closing a meeting with hugs is a pleasant, informal, and safely intimate way of saying “thank you” and good travels until we meet again. However, that level of intimacy is more than some people wish to share. Hugs must always be an option… never mandatory.

We have come to know that the agenda for each HOPE Group meeting consists of the life experiences that have presented themselves for each participant in the time since they were last in the group. This explains why we say, “The agenda walks in through the door.” Thus, it is safe to say that the formalities of the HOPE Group Opening  set the meeting context, the crucible.

The HOPE Group guide knows that time management is important for all of the participants. S/he also practices and models listening skills because they are key components of communication skills. S/he is trained to be non-judgmental and an active participant in the group process. We discourage people from developing the attitude that the guide is a therapist, even if their career is that of therapist or counselor. We coach our participants in methods of communication and the development and practice of helpful attitudes. We encourage them to practice goal setting and the use of imagination in their lives.

We keep no records of what goes on in HOPE Group meetings other than those necessary for our own internal development information, accounting functions, and membership lists.

We conduct HOPE Groups in complete confidentiality that respects the identity of their members. We believe that individual members are free to divulge their own personal information according to their own discretion, and they are to protect the right to privacy of all other group members.

There is a vitally important exception to this confidentiality rule: taking group action to prevent a participant from harming self or others. The HOPE Group Guide of a non-clinical HOPE Group has no legal mandate to report such behaviors unless s-he is a professional licensed to practice in that state. As a member of a group of humans, s-he can either take the initiative or respond to the initiative of another group member to take action to protect the individual(s) threatened with harm. Such action has high moral and ethical value that necessitates suspension of the rule of confidentiality in HOPE Groups. The exact nature of the necessary action can only be determined by the group in the act of responding to the specific situation that it sees as harmful. A simple guideline for such situations lies in the old medical dictum, expanded by standards of compassion and discretion: “First, do no harm; do good; benefit someone; and always do your best.”