Appendix of useful "stuff" in guiding HOPE Groups

Hope and Healing: Discovering the "Why" of Life

A self-viewing presentation. (Click here.)

HOPE’s knowing

·         YOU AND I...

We meet as strangers, each carrying a mystery within us. I cannot say who you are; I may never know you completely. But I trust that you are a person in your own right, possessed of a beauty and value that are the Earth’s richest treasures.

So I make this promise to you: I will impose no identities upon you, but will invite you to become yourself without shame or fear. I will hold open a space for you in the world and defend your right to fill it with an authentic vocation. For as long as your search takes, you have my loyalty.                                                              —Theodore Roszak

·         This above all: unto thine own self be true, and it shall follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.

                                                                                                —Wm. Shakespeare.

·         Yes, I am me, but what animates me is what animates Uncle Bob, the cat, the tree, the rock and all that is. We are packaged differently, but we share the same essence. There are many of us and we are not the same but we are all one.

                                                                                                — Cheri Huber

·         Consider this:

The Universe is pure creation; it never repeats itself.
The Creation is perfection; it makes no mistakes.
Every one of us is a one-of-a-kind work of art...

a once-painted portrait,
a once-read poem,
a once-danced dance,
a once-told tale,
a once-sung song…
a soul-cry.

Show them to me.
You honor me.
Thank you.

                                                                                                — Ken Hamilton

HOPE. (Emily Dickinson)

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

HOPE (Vaclav Havel)

Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Either we have hope within us or we don't; it is a dimension of the soul, and it’s not dependent on some observation of the world or estimate of the situation.

"Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart; it transcends the world that is immediately experienced, and is anchored somewhere beyond its horizons.

"Hope in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed.

"Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

The House by the Side of the Road

There are hermit souls that live withdrawn

In the place of their discontent;

There are souls, like stars, that dwell apart

In a fellowless firmament;

There are pioneer souls that blaze their paths

Where highways never ran—

But let me live by the side of the road

And be a friend to man

Let me live in a house by the side of the road,

Where the race of men go by—

The men who are good and the men who are bad,

As good and as bad as I.

I would not sit in the scorner’s seat,

Or hurl the cynic’s ban—

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I see from my house by the side of the road,

By the side of the highway of life,

The men who press with the ardor of hope,

The men who are faint with the strife.

But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears—

Both parts of an infinite plan—

Let me live in my house by the side of the road

And be a friend to man.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead

And mountains of wearisome height;

That the road passes on through the long afternoon

And stretches away to the night.

But still I rejoice when the travelers rejoice,

And weep with the strangers that moan,

Nor live in my house by the side of the road

Like a man who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,

where the race of men go by—

They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,

Wise, foolish—so am I.

Then why should I sit in the scorner’s seat

or hurl the critics ban?—

Let me live in a house by the side of the road

and be a friend to man.

--Sam Walter Foss (1858 - 1911)
Dreams in Homespun. New York: Lothrop, Lee & Shepherd Co.

The Rules for Being Human.

1. You will receive a body.

You may not like it, but it is yours for the entire span of life
this time around.

2. You will learn lessons.

You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life.
Each   day will bring the opportunity to learn lessons.
It does not matter what you think of them.

3. There are no mistakes; only lessons.

Growth is a process of trial and error; experimentation.
The mistakes are never failures.

4. A lesson is repeated until it is learned.

It will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it; then you go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end.

There is no part of life that does not contain lessons.
If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. There are no accidents.

If you still believe in them,
you haven’t been paying attention.

7. Others are mirrors for you.

You cannot love or hate something about another person
unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you.

You have all the tools and resources you need.
What you do with them is up to you.
The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you.

The answers to life's questions lie inside you,
not in the outside of you.
Loving people can help you find them.

10. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Be still and see the divine in the other.

11. You will forget all this.

(That is the reason for this reminder).

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson (1921-2001)

From her book, There's A Hole In My Sidewalk ©1977

Quoted in Charles Whitfield's Healing the Child Within, and in
Sogyal Rinpoche’s The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

What is Possibility Thinking?

Its basis lies in two similar questions: "What would you like to have happen?" and "What would you like to see come of this?" The first is kinesthetic/auditory, and the second is visual. The choice is intuitive. Gentle coaching and coaxing can elicit the answers.

The two questions are more "given" than "asked", and the receiver can answer them in his or her own time without any obligation to share the answers. However, we encourage her or him to do so because they are a part of one’s "story", and telling that story is an essential part of healing.

We encourage people to write or draw their answers in order to bring them closer to realization.

On receiving the story, we ask the third question, "How will you feel when you know you have done what you started out to do?" The emotions and feelings bring the thought into the body, and this establishes a healthy feedback loop between the mind and the body.

HOPE Key Questions that apply in possibility thinking.

• What would you like to have happen?
• How will you feel when you know it has happened?
• How would you like to feel now?
• What would it be like to feel that way?
• What are you doing for the rest of your life?
• What would you do if you knew you had one year to live in perfect health, and a million dollars to do it with?
• Is that what you are doing now?
• If you could see your problems as possibilities, what would they look like?
• What do you think it would be like if you knew that every obstacle you face is but a challenge that you are fully equipped to handle?
• What is your passion… the song of your heart?
• Why is it important?
• And why is that important? (Repeat 10 times)!
• Is there anything you would like to change now?
  

The HOPE Dialogue… more of the same

Clarifying intent.

• What would you like to have happen?
  • Please tell me what you think about that.
  • Now please tell me how you feel about that.
    

Clarifying feelings

• What can you tell me about those feelings?
• What is important about all of this?
  • Would you like to do an exercise on importance?
  • Yes? Ask the same question, "Why is that important" of every answer you have for the question. (If you reach twelve without repeating or getting the answer, it’s okay to stop.)
• Now, how do you feel?

Further clarification of intent.

• What would you like to see come of this?
  • How do you see yourself taking part in this happening?
  • How will you know when it has happened?
• What can you do to begin this process?
• Will you begin it?
• When will you begin it?

Reassure and promise support.

• This is your journey. It was promised you from the beginning of time. Only you can walk it.
• Release fears and worry. You are not alone.
• I honor and respect you and your journey. Know I walk with you whenever you ask; even if I can not be physically present to you. Others can join you as well. Call them.
• Take our experience and our love with you. May you walk in peace….Namaste.
  

Guided Visualization, etc

Guided visualization, guided imagery, guided meditation, coached active imagination, or whatever you call it, is a wonderful way of reaching into your psyche for answers to your questions and problems. As implied, a guide is necessary for the process. S-he takes you through the process of discovering images from deep in your psyche and helping them develop themselves in your conscious mind. I learned it in 1986 from Bernie Siegel, who called it "guided imagery". Since then, other names have cropped up, but, as far as I am concerned, they all mean the same thing: guided imagery is a guided exercise of your own imagination!

The American Heritage Dictionary, Third Edition, defines image as:

A mental picture of something not real or present. A vivid description or representation. A figure of speech, especially a metaphor or simile. A concrete representation, as in art, literature, or music, that is expressive or evocative of something else: night as an image of death. ©

It defines imagination as:

The formation of a mental image of something that is neither perceived as real nor present to the senses. The mental image so formed. The ability or tendency to form such images. The ability to confront and deal with reality by using the creative power of the mind; resourcefulness: handled the problems with great imagination. A traditional or widely held belief or opinion. ©

There is no magic to it. There is no witchcraft. Teachers, ministers, doctors, lawyers, all use it. They all teach with it. Their success is based on their ability to use it effectively! When I became familiar with it through repeatedly using it in HOPE Group meetings, I realized how much I had relied on it in my surgical practice to help my patients through their operations and their illnesses. I had come to trust in my patients’ abilities to create effective images of postoperative pain control and recovery. Indeed, a striking feature of the process lies in fact that the so-called subject, the participant, has complete control of her or his images. The so-called guide is a person with very human characteristics of love and caring contained within the utmost respect for the person with whom s-he is working. Should any image occur that is out of the comfort zone of the participant, the participant exercises complete control by reshaping the image to her-his own needs.

Many people are suspect of guided imagery because they believe that they lose control of their minds and can have that control turned over to "dark forces". This simply is not true. The control is always in the hands of the subject’s own inner protector…the very same protector that keeps one in bed at night when one is asleep, and the very same one that wakes a mother up when the baby cries or wakes the father up when there is a strange noise at the front door.

Just think about the events of a day in the life of a child. How often does a child "day dream" while it plays? How often do you "day dream"…even while driving the car? How often has someone interrupted your reverie with, "A penny for your thoughts"? How often do we exercise our imagination? What would we do without it?

How many have had the advice, "Use your imagination!" How many have been put down by, "Oh, you’re just imagining that!" Aren’t we terribly contradictory about the way in which we approach a perfectly natural, creative function of all human beings?

If I were to ask you to tell me how to get to the nearest hardware store, you would immediately begin to create an image for me to follow. You are creating a guided imagery that I must follow if I am to find that hardware store! I trust you and I want to get that extension cord so I can run my fan; so I let you guide me. Consider how often and in how many ways, we use images to guide our thoughts and actions…every day, don’t we? Consider how often we are asked to provide images that guide another’s thoughts and actions…every day!

So, what happens when we ask an experienced person in the counseling field to help us with our images? Are we not asking how to get to the hardware store? As we move along the way, we choose the safe way to drive, the best place to park, and to watch out for undescribed features that lie along the path. So it is with the guided imagery that Marty Rossman, David Bressler, Bernie Siegel, Jeanne Achterberg, Herb Benson, Frank Lawlis, O. Carl Simonton, Joan Borysenko, Stephanie Matthews, Shakti Gawain, or any one of literally thousands of helper-counselors and athletic coaches use every single day.

I make it a practice to use it only in safe places where the participants (and I mean both the guide and the guided) can relax fully. It requires the establishment of a parasympathetic (or after-dinner) state of the autonomic nervous system (the quiet, subconscious one) in a quiet space with the least risk of distractions. It is helpful to have comfortable seating. Lying down is all right, even if one falls asleep. It is desirable to use soft instrumental music at a tempo of 60-72 beats per minute.

Images need not be very specific. Imagine (!) that you are giving a very soft idea of something that the other will pick up on and give detail to in a way that you can little know. Take into your own belief system the idea that you are not really in control of what goes on in the other person. An excellent thing to remember is the tremendous variations in appearance of common objects; for instance barns, houses, cars, dogs, trees, and flowers. Contrast any two and you’ll understand what happened to a participant I worked with who grew up in a brick house, and I talked about the outside wall of his house in terms of siding. Do you think he might have been confused? What do you think might happen if you asked an asthmatic to take a walk in a field full of flowers? So talk about walls and lovely, comfortable places where the air is just right. Suggest, be subjunctive, do not direct or indicate. Let go of any thoughts about the way things ought to be…in your opinion! You might even consider asking the participant how s-he is feeling or what s-he is feeling. S-he can help you! Rossman and Bressler teach a process they call Interactive Guided Imagery that goes into such interactions in depth. If you do interact a lot, you will certainly benefit from their training. Otherwise, keep it simple. Be caring and loving. Please consider that you might be in a sacred space, and act accordingly. It is a lovely experience for all.

This practice is something I’d love to teach you and any others if you can spare a day.

Attitudes. (Earl Nightingale, William James, Viktor Frankl and Rich Wilkins)

When things start to look bleak, remember that you have the power to change them and that you're the only creature on earth with that kind of power. Build better and stronger next time; do something about it; change a bad situation into a good one. Don't ask how; figure it out for yourself.

—Earl Nightingale

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The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. It is too bad that more people will not accept this tremendous discovery and begin living it.

—William James, M.D.

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The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances; to choose one's way. It is this spiritual freedom that cannot be taken away that makes life meaningful and purposeful.

—Viktor Frankl

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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

—Charles Swindoll

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ATTITUDE isn't simply a state of mind...it is also a reflection of what we value. Attitude is more than just saying "I can", it is believing you can. It requires believing before seeing, because seeing is based on circumstances, believing is based on faith. Attitude is so contagious especially when we allow it to turn our doubts of the past into passions of today and set the stage for our tomorrows. We have total ownership of our attitudes. No one else has the power to alter our attitudes without our permission. Our attitude allows us to become more empowering than money, to rise above our failures, and to accept others for who they are, and what they say. It is more important than giftedness and is the forerunner of all skill needed for happiness and success. Our attitudes can be used to build us up or put us down- the choice is ours. It also gives us the wisdom to know that we can't change events of the past. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I respond to it...and it is with this state of mind that I remain in charge of my ATTITUDES.

—Rich Wilkins

What is Attitudinal Healing?

From: The Network for Attitudinal Healing International, Inc., 33 Buchanan St. Sausalito, CA 94965; netattheal@aol.com

Attitudinal Healing is a way to transform the conflict, fear, and separation that can easily dominate our personal lives. It is based on the premise that within each of us—regardless of age, language, religion or culture—there is an essential quality of being that is creative, peaceful and whole. This essence is called "love", and it can be expressed at any moment through our conscious choice.

Attitudinal Healing teaches that people or circumstances do not cause us conflict or distress; instead it is our own thoughts, feelings and attitudes about people and events that produce our struggle.

By exploring conflict and fear within ourselves, we combine the energy of willingness with love’s healing energy. This is a continual process, and it takes great courage. With persistence and patience, our inner fears and conflict heal.

Attitudinal Healing recognizes that love and fear are our only emotions. All feelings arise from one or the other. Love-based attitudes extend joy, respect, happiness, compassion and peace. Fear-based attitudes project confusion, stress, frustration, anger comparison, judgment, conflict.

Using Attitudinal Healing concepts within a stressful situation empowers us to respond honestly from our hearts, knowing that we speak our truth as we know it now. By taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions without blame or judgment, we create a space for those involved to do that also. We extend ourselves to join.

Sometimes when we extend peace and respect, it isn’t returned. Attitudinal Healing asks us to give it away, without any expectations of another’s response. This does not mean that we accept unacceptable behavior It means that we bring about change peacefully with respect for ourselves.

Some people will claim that the idea of choosing peace and respect is too simple. It is a simple choice; it is simply very difficult to do! Our global society supports a fear-based system. Experiencing Attitudinal Healing is a choice to experience a peace-based system.

When we go to the heart of a system, we clearly see that a system is constructed upon the attitudes of those within it. Personal healing, therefore, evokes transformation within a system, whether it is a family, a business, a governmental agency, a culture, or a global objective. This is how educational systems, legal/judicial systems, health care system, and virtually every cultural system is transformed The transformation emerges from gentle choices for peace, respect and love. Attitudinal Healing helps some people choose peace. It happens one by one by one by one.

One person does make a difference! Each of us is the difference!

The Principles of Attitudinal Healing.
                    (From Jerry Jampolsky and friends)

1. The essence of our being is love.

2. Health is inner peace. Healing is letting go of fear.

3. Giving and receiving are the same.

4. We can let go of the past and of the future.

5. Now is the only time there is and each instant is for giving.

6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.

7. We can become love finders rather than fault finders.

8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.

9. We are students and teachers to each other.

10. We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments.

11. Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.

12. We can always perceive others as either extending love or giving a call for help.

The Symptoms Of Inner Peace

There is a constellation of signs and symptoms of inner peace. They are unmistakable once known and recognized. As the epidemic grows, we shall see that we have not created a state of blind euphoria. We will, instead, have found that we are, as Teilhard de Chardin would have us know, collaborators in creation!

Watch for these symptoms:

·        The tendency to spontaneous, fearless thought and action.

·        The ability to enjoy the moment.

·        The loss of tendencies to judge self and/or others.

·        Witholding interpretation because it is a form of judging.

·        The absence of any interest in conflict; to the point of ninja-like disappearance from the scene when conflict arises.

·        Similarities to Alfred E. Neumann (“What, me worry?”), including singing Bobby McFarrin’s Don’t worry, Be happy.

·        The tendency to demonstrate unequivocal appreciation and gratitude for what has been given and received.

·        Joyful appreciation for all of nature’s gifts and her presence in all things.

·        A certain appearance of contentedness at all times, especially under stress.

·        Frequent attacks of smiles that come from the heart.

·        A tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.

·        Showing a stubborn and persistent tendency to give and receive love.

These symptoms indicate that you have begun to answer the problem for which all your earlier problems were but symptoms; the fundamental problem of the human being; “Who am I?” The new symptoms indicate that you are visualizing a goal that will keep you occupied for the rest of your days. In serving your goal, you will experience happiness, and such is the natural order of things.

The Ripple Effect of Attitudinal Healing

Ripples can and do have a profound effect over time on anything they touch. You can be a ripple; all you have to do is choose. John Heider, in The Tao of Leadership, advises us to get our lives in order if we wish to be ripples. He then advises "ground yourself in the single principle so that your behavior is wholesome and effective" . This "single principle" is the key to his thinking. It is the principle of the Tao, or "the Way", as it is usually translated from the Chinese. This way is the way of the whole Universe. It is becoming generally accepted that this Universal Way is the "right" way, which leads us to such expressions as "right-thinking", "right-acting", "right-feeling", and so on. To be thus grounded, we become worthy of respect and powerfully influential. Not bad at all, should one desire love and esteem!

We must learn that our behavior, which is a product of our attitudes, influences everyone and everything around us. The finest minds are keenly aware that what we think about returns to us. In this way, we become what we think about. If we think fear, we get fear. If we think love, we get love. Our attitudes make us, as Earl Nightingale in The Strangest Secret would have us learn. Nightingale said that the formula for right-living was, "WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK ABOUT". The gold mine that finances the trip is "THE MIND", and the word that makes it all possible is "ATTITUDE". James Allen, in As a Man Thinketh (now available in a new edition called, As We Think), would have us be aware that our thoughts make us what we are. Napoleon Hill, in Think and Grow Rich, would have us know that riches are those things (or thoughts) which enrich the heart, and that they are attainable through the effort of the mind working in conjunction with the power that creates the Universe.

As ripples on still water, we influence everything around us. If our ripple effect is disharmonious, it will get out of phase with the Universe, and its effects will diminish rapidly, but tumultuously. If our thoughts are harmonious with the Universe, we experience support and strengthening (augmentation) of our ripples, so they spread throughout the world, and even out into the universe. This is "right-living". It tunes into the Universe. This way of living comes from the heart; for, as the fox said to St. Exupery's little prince, "It is only with the heart that we can see rightly, what is real is invisible to the eye"!

So, my friends, if you would be a ripple, be in harmony. It will last. In this way, you will find out how one person can make a difference.

If you live rightly, your family is thus influenced.
If your family lives rightly, your community is thus influenced.
If your community lives rightly, your nation is thus influenced.
If your nation lives rightly, the world is thus influenced.
If your world lives rightly, the ripples become cosmic.

In this way, dear ones, we go to the stars! Maybe the stars will just simply come here! Whichever way, it must begin here, at home in the hearts of each one of us.

Specialness (An "attitude"). (With gratitude for inspirational sentences and ideas in A Course in Miracles.)

Guilt and fear create our "specialness". They are merely functions in time. The one lives in the past and the other in the future. So is hope a function in time; future time. It leads one through the maze of fear to forgiveness, which is another function in time because it lets go of the past. Ultimately, forgiveness is the only function of time that has any meaning at all. It is thus your special function. Forgiveness makes it possible to deny fear and guilt any claim to time. It lets go of all attachments to the past and the future. It is the spiritual means through which it becomes possible to translate the specialness of fear and separation into the specialness of love and relationship. When forgiveness is complete, time ends.

At the ending of time there is nothing but love, and there you come home to the truth. To move into relationships that extend only love is to find salvation. Salvation is the clearing of the mists of confusion about God. It is the state of being in which God no longer appears insane. Here is the sensible and meaningful nature of the Truth of God.

Your perceived "dis"-ease is often a "specialness" that you believe makes you different. It can separate you from others and from God, rather than join with All. The specialness is that which hurts you, and it is but the means for your salvation... if you choose to make it so. As long as it holds you separate, it is a special sin; for sin is only evidence of the separatedness we create in the absence of love. When you choose to extend yourself in love through the special function of forgiveness, you will no longer hurt yourself or others. Your special sin now becomes your special grace, which is your means to salvation. Your special hate, which is your "pet peeve" becomes your special love. It is your own teacher come to show the way home to God… a journey without distance to a goal that never changes.

The story you write about your journey to God is a special part of the annals of the Universe. It is about your journey with your cross through time as we know it. As we know it now, the journey remembers the past with fear, and it goes up Skull Mountain to death. In the home of forgiveness, free of time and place, when you come to see it, the path leads to light and life and love. Your story is now become holy. It is whole; its truth sustains the Universe. You are at last become a co-creator. Two thousand years ago, according to the old way of knowing time, the Son of Man promised us this Life. That time is become now, the only time there is... as He promises us in eternity.

The Keys to Stress Management:

Genes, Attitudes, Thoughts and Spirit;

To live life effectively today takes effort, and the rewards are great. It is becoming increasingly clear that we are four-part beings: body, mind, soul, and spirit. To focus on anything less than the four parts in any attempt to be healthy is not healthy, but likely to increase the chances for disease to develop.

Genes:

Genes build our bodies, our talents and intelligences, and our temperament. They imply* what we become. Our feelings, called senses, evaluate our environment, which influences* what we become. The attitudes of our minds ultimately determine* what we become. Our thoughts initiate the actions of our bodies. Our emotions convey our attitudes to our bodies, which then respond with feelings that tell the mind what it has effected. (* the beliefs of Alfred Adler that my experience strongly supports.)

All of this takes place in the service of our spiritual selves, which integrate our uniqueness with the entire universe. The scientific and mystical arguments for this unique integration are getting stronger and more supportive of each other. We need to bring our awareness of self up along these lines. To do so is the most effective method of stress management known today. It brings one to a state of esteem, which is a state of Universal value.

Attitudes:

Attitudes are postures that frame our thoughts. We all know how to create them with positions of our bodies. Consider that positions of our minds have exactly the same effect. Put your body in an angry position and feel your heart rate go up. Put your body in a neutral position, think angry thoughts with your mind and feel your heart rate go up. This happens because in between your spinal cord that conveys information to and from your body to the outer layers of your thinking mind, the cerebral cortex, there are specialize clusters of cells whose function it is to apply emotions to thought and action.

A great deal of the function of these areas of the so-called mid-brain are determined by experience! In other words, we choose our attitudes! Understand then that we always have the power to choose new attitudes! What a relief to know this!

 "When things start to look bleak, remember that you have the power to change them and that you’re the only creature on earth with that kind of power. Build better and stronger next time; do something about it; change a bad situation into a good one. Don’t ask how; figure it out for yourself."

—Earl Nightingale

 "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. It is too bad that more people will not accept this tremendous discovery and begin living it.

—William James, M.D.

The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances; to choose one’s way. It is this spiritual freedom that cannot be taken away that makes life meaningful and purposeful.

—Viktor Frankl

 The Five Lines of Stress Management:

1.                 For your body:

A.                Eat at regular times at a table. Pause for a moment to appreciate the life that is giving you life. Let complex carbohydrates make up most of the “carbo-load”. Balance grains and beans for most of your calories. Let them make up the majority of your protein intake. Eat fresh green, red, orange and yellow veggies lightly cooked to tenderize, or in a salad. Let fat make up less than twenty-five percent of your total calories, and let at least half of that be poly-unsaturated fat.

B.                Combine stretching, power, and aerobic exercise in your fitness program. Go aerobic for twenty minutes at least three times a week. (Aerobic is when your pulse rate is between sixty and eighty percent of the number you get by subtracting your age in years from 220).

C.                Sleep when you are tired for a length of time that wakes you refreshed. Nap if you get tired during the day. (Five minutes is often all that is needed).

2.                 For your attitudes and emotions:

A.                Fear, anger, grief, happiness, and joy are attitudes and emotions.

B.                They are all “natural”; though some can have harmful effects on self and others by projections and attachments.

C.                Let yourself realize that you have always chosen your attitude.

D.               Give yourself permission to realize that you can change it… any time you want.

E.                Check in with yourself frequently to determine the attitude you carry now, and make whatever change you want… now.

F.                 Remember: Would you rather be right or happy?

3.                 For your mind:

A.                Practice twice daily relaxation for ten minutes. Keep your mind clear with a single word to focus on (such as “one” or “God” or “love”). Develop a meditation practice.

B.                Be aware of your attention or mental focus at all times. Share with others who would ask you to change your focus what they are asking of you. Be aware that changing that focus takes time and energy. Make loose schedules. Prioritize and stick to them.

C.                Exercise the mind. Its abilities are limitless. It is your most precious resource. What it thinks about is what you become. Thoughts are things. Engage yourself in fun and laughter. Find sources of happiness, and get into them regularly. Read for thirty minutes five times a week. Read for entertainment and education. If you drive more than fifteen minutes to work, consider getting educational tapes to play in your car.

4.                 For your soul:

A.                Give yourself permission to know that your are a spiritual being immersed in a human experience.[1]

B.                You have been called to life by life itself, and thus blessed.

C.                You are creating a unique volume of experience in a universal encyclopedia of life, and love.

D.               Honor your soul’s passion and live it.

5.                 For your spirit:

A.                Give yourself permission to join in the spirit that is fundamental to all things.

B.                If you are a participant in an organized religious practice, get in touch with the spiritual source of that religion.

Give yourself permission to become aware that there is but one spirit that is fundamental to all consciousness, and that all paths to that spirit are true. The spirit knows of our individual uniqueness… and of our common human-ness. We can learn to honor that in self and others. In this way we learn to esteem… to value each and every human being as a one-of-a-kind work of art in The Creation, the spacious graceful beauty of which includes all of us in its light, life and love

Our Deepest Fear:

--Mariann Williamson A Return to Love. HarperCollins, 1996

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and famous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to magnify the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Surrender, Trust, and Salvation’s Learning. (From A Course in Miracles)

Statements of Surrender and Trust in the Higher Will.

"Today I will make no decisions by myself."
"If I make no decisions by myself,
This is the day that will be given me."
"I have no question. I forgot what to decide."
" At least I can decide I do not like what I feel now."
"And so I hope I have been wrong."
"I want another way to look at this."
"Perhaps there is another way to look at this.
What can I lose by asking?"

Salvation’s Learning

I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where I am, or how to look upon the world or on myself.

And what you are will tell you of Itself.

Message from an Elder:

To my fellow swimmers:

There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore, they will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know that the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open and our heads above the water.

And I say: see who is there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves, for the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over.

Gather yourselves. Banish the word “struggle” from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones we have been waiting for.

(I have sourced this to a member of the Lakota Nation, and I have every reason to believe it is native wisdom. There is an element of anonymity about this that I respect and honor, so it is simply a message from an Elder. A dear friend received it the morning after he dreamed that he was trying to climb a steep embankment to get to his house. A dense cover of bushes blocked every attempt. His hands and arms failed from fatigue and he fell over backward into a deep, rapidly flowing river that carried him into the center of its flow and safely past all obstacles and deposited him gently and safely at the threshold of his house!)

Everything’s Fine

To a truly contented and enlightened soul everything in the world, which means the way the world is right now, is just fine. To the unenlightened and discontented soul this will sound like a massive avoidance. But think about it. Does the masterful actor go to the theatre for their evening performance, and on entering the stage start shifting the backdrop, altering the scenery and moving the props around? Of course not, they are totally concentrated on the role they need to create and play to the best of their ability. And so it is with the world. The backdrop to our life is the way things are at this moment in time. The props are exactly where they are meant to be at this moment in time. Many people spend their whole lives trying to change the backdrop and move the props around, little realising the futility of the exercise. Yes they may succeed in altering an angle here, a minute part of the picture there. But all at the cost of the focus and the energy needed to put on their best performance. Little did they realise that if they had fully focused on their performance and achieved their own highest standards of excellence, not only would those around them be immensely enriched, but the backdrop and the props of their life would have changed automatically, as the invitations roll in to perform their life elsewhere. Excellence is a much more powerful influence in the world than discontent. So everything is fine out there. No one said it’s perfect. But it is exactly the way it should be… at this moment. So here is the paradox of effective change—if you want to influence change for the better, then the most effective way to begin is with contentment with the way things are. The way things are, are the way things are meant to be!

Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University
http://www.brahmakumaris.org.uk

Forgiveness.

Forgive means (literally) "completely give". It simply "lets go of", and it never condones another’s actions.

Failure to forgive is to yield completely to another’s control… to be inexorably manipulated by the other person’s story.

Failure to forgive is to let the past hold the present hostage… by old wounds that prevent one from getting on with life.

If one does not forgive, one is consumed by the shadowy past, and is then doomed to visit it over and over again, always seeking the part of self that is attached to the wound… and the wounder. Together they are doomed to a macabre dance of trauma that seems to last forever.

Forgiveness frees the forgiver… "unplugging" him or her from the past; leaving the perpetrator to its own fate! There is no other meaningful function of time; for it frees us from the two pathological time functions… guilt and fear!

Therefore, forgiveness becomes a highly effective strategy for success in all aspects of human endeavor… it lies at the root of all healing.

Masks

PLEASE— Hear what I am not saying: Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks. And none of them are me. Don’t be fooled, for God’s sake, don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure. That confidence is my name and coolness is my game. And that I need no one. But don’t believe me Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.

That’s why I create a mask to hide behind; to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is precisely my salvation. That is, if it’s followed by acceptance; if it’s followed by love. It’s the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls. I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing; that I’m no good. And that you will see this and reject me. And so begins the parade of masks.

I idly chatter to you.

I tell you everything that’s really nothing and nothing of what’s everything; of what’s crying within me.

Please listen carefully and try and hear what I’m not saying. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me.

But you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand. Each time, you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging. Each time, you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings, but wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, you alone can release me from my shadow world of uncertainty—from my lonely prison.

It will be easy for you. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls. And in this lies my hope, only hope. Please try to beat down these walls with firm hands. But gentle hands—for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am every man you meet, and I am every woman you meet. And I am you, also.

—author unknown

Time and projection

Linear chronus (chronological) time is a function that is rapidly fading from usefulness; for it contains the essence of all projection.

Projection into the past commonly finds guilt.

Subsequent projection into the future yields fear.

For the sake of survival, guilt and fear make it necessary to project in space… anger.

Non-linear kairos time signifies an historical moment into which eternity erupts, transforming the world into a new state of blissful being.

Time ends when forgiveness is complete. Now there is only love, and we have come home to the truth. Guilt now becomes responsibility, fear now becomes awareness, and anger now becomes assertion. The need for projection is gone… and so is the projection, itself.

"Time means nothing. Time is just the way we measure the gaps between not knowing something and knowing it, or not doing something and doing it."

--Richard Bach

"Eternity is not an everlasting flux of time, but time is a short parenthesis in a long period."

--John Donne

Acres of Diamonds

Russell Herman Conwell, American lawyer, author, clergyman, and educator whose lecture, “Acres of Diamonds,” which expressed his formula for success, brought him fame and wealth on the Chautauqua circuit. Conwell delivered his lecture no fewer than 6,000 times, and in 1884, he founded Temple University on its rewards. The theme of the lecture was that opportunity lurks in everyone’s backyard. Everyone, Conwell believed, can and ought to get rich and then use his money for the good of others. “Keep clean, fight hard, pick your openings judiciously, and have your eyes forever fixed on the heights toward which you are headed,” was his simple formula for success and the central emphasis of his preaching.

The story is of an Indian farmer who had been homesteaded for some years, when the farmer had a guest who told him of the great diamond discoveries that were happening all over India. The farmer saw a great opportunity to gather vast riches. After the guest left, the farmer rushed to sell the farm (note the expression), to buy prospecting equipment.

Two years later, a failure, he drowned himself. At about that time, the man who had bought the farm was entertaining the same guest who had set the first man off on his failure. The guest noticed a strange crystal on the mantelpiece, and asked if he could examine it. The farmer agreed. The guest looked at the classic shape of the crystal that filled his hand, and said, “Unless I miss my guess, this is a diamond, and the largest I’ve ever seen. Would you show me where you found it?” “Sure,” came the answer, “There’s a creek bed just a couple hundred yards from here that’s just covered with them.” They went to the creek, and saw rough diamonds glittering everywhere in the sand—acres of them! It was the discovery of the diamonds of the Golconda, the source of the Kohinoor diamond!

After A While

(Author’s note: This poem has been plagiarized, bastardized, renamed, reworded, redesigned, expanded, and reduced. But it is my work, which I wrote at the age of 19 and had published in my college yearbook. The authorship has been challenged, and who it was is not clear. The two who claim it have been deeply moved by it, and it is well worth repeating.)

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Dying, by Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918

(Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral)

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:

"Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

What is Death, by Henry Scott Holland.

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

Something To Think About

I will live through the next twelve hours hour by hour and minute by minute…as they are given to me. I will not try to tackle all of life's problems at once.

Today I will do something that increases my value as a human being. I will improve my mind. I will learn something useful. I will learn something that requires some effort, thought, and concentration.

I will be agreeable. I will look my best. I will speak in a well-modulated voice. I will be courteous and considerate.

I will not find fault with or judge a friend, relative or colleague; anything or anywhere. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself. I will be fair to all, including me.

I will let go of my need to understand.

I will have a program; a practice. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies, hurry and indecision.

I will do something to make the world a better place. I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it won't matter.

I will do things I don't want to do… just for the exercise.

I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give its best to me.

I will give myself permission to feel well, happy and alert; to be at peace; to love and live in love’s joy.

I will give my self a hug at the end of the day. I will check in with myself about what I have done today to make me more valuable and the world a better place, and I won't feel bad if it didn't work out quite as I wished.

Before I go to sleep, I will set myself one goal to do tomorrow so that my dreams can work on it and I can do it well when the time comes.

I will remind myself that this perfect universe has made room for me, and it is my responsibility to fill that room with the quality of my life. I will remember to ask the universe to help me find and choose the quality with which I would fill my space.

I can do these things. I will do these things. I will do them today.

Ripple (© 1970 The Grateful Dead)

This remarkable song composed and written by Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter came and found me shortly after I convened the first HOPE Group meeting in February of 1987. The process was decidedly mystical and so is the song. Later that year, it was instrumental in a major piece of healing that took place in a deep-process intensive in an old Shaker village in Alfred, Maine, on my birthday.

We used to sing this song to open the HOPE Group meetings in Oxford Hills and when the HOPE Group opening came into being, it supplantedRipple. However, The mysticism of this piece stays with me today, and its principles continue to imbue HOPE with much of its power.

A lot has been written about Ripple, much of which can be found on the Web. This is part of a comprehensive article By David Dodd, a 1997-98 Research Associate in the Music Dept. of the University of California, Santa Cruz(http://arts.ucsc.edu/gdead/agdl/ripple.html):

“Ripple” is a song lyric by Robert Hunter. Its genre, therefore, is song. A true song is meant to be sung, and so its words must be easy to remember, unless it is an experimental or art song. But Hunter wrote “Ripple” in the folk song tradition during the late 1960’s, with overtones of that Haight-Ashbury era, such as a sense of cosmic oneness, and of East meeting West.

Hunter, in choosing the folk lyric format, has infused it with something new. The first verse, addressing the listener, is about song, about listening to the song and making it your own. Hunter begins the verse by invoking the elements of song: words and tune, so that the listener is prepared to think about the song. The poet expresses concern that the song be sung by other people, opening up a discussion of the relationship between the singer and the listener, who will also, it is hoped, come to be the singer, in turn.

So the relationship between poet and reader is unity; they are both the poet. In this way, the original poet breaks out of mortality, since his thoughts will continue to generate new thoughts.

The next verse continues this theme, but points out that the identification between singer and listener can never be total, since it is questionable whether any of the original poet’s thoughts will actually occur to the person who is now singing the song. But the poet concludes that even though ‘the thoughts are broken,’ it is worthwhile to have songs.

The chorus is the main puzzle of the song, as highlighted by the title. It is set apart formally from the rest of the song, being a seventeen-syllable haiku. Following the first two verses, it suggests that thought is like a ripple, not caused by anything, and doomed to be fleeting, not to be held. Hunter chose an Asian verse form to express this idea, which is contrary to Western civilization’s principle of logical, rational thought. Hunter poses a counter-argument. It is not worthwhile to believe that reason can be imposed on thinking, or that anything reasonable can come from thinking, since communication of thought will always be flawed. It is possible that Hunter’s thoughts were born from the experience of altered states, and the frustration that goes with any attempt to describe experience in an altered state. His choice of a pool of water being momentarily disturbed by a ripple is in accordance with Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s imagery in describing the fleetingness of the altered state in “Kubla Khan”.

Ripple

If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine
And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung
Would you hear my voice come through the music
Would you hold it near as it were your own?

It’s a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken
Perhaps they’re better left unsung
I don’t know, don’t really care
Let there be songs to fill the air

(Chorus)

Ripple in still water
When there is no pebble tossed
Nor wind to blow

Reach out your hand if your cup be empty
If your cup is full may it be again
Let it be known there is a fountain
That was not made by the hands of men

There is a road, no simple highway
Between the dawn and the dark of night
And if you go no one may follow
That path is for your steps alone

(Chorus)

You who choose to lead must follow
But if you fall you fall alone
If you should stand then who’s to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home